To a real friend from a cyber friend,..

When we simply don't know where to go there is always someone who taps us in the back and gives us a smile, a smile that can open up hundreds of reason for us believe, to hope and to love. But lately i have realized that precious people are not just found on the streets. Nowadays, there are actually a lot of ways to meet someone who can cheer you and tell you incredible stories through the walks of life.

As for my story, i happened to meet someone who had given me the courage to look up and take each day at a time, hence, he inspired me all the way. Nothing fancy, everything started with just a simple text message. But as they say, great things comes from small packages. With a simple chat room, we were able to get to know each other better as days roll by. Exchanging thoughts that makes you realize that you are never alone in this life that you're in. He is not just a precious person with a good heart,.. he's also a simple guy with good intentions.

Being a friend to hundreds of people is not that easy, but being extra sweet and loving to almost all of them is a blessing.

PISIG, thanks for coming into our lives. Thanks for the touching gesture, for the morning greetings. Thanks for making me feel loved. For the funny things we share, for making me realize that life will always suck, and i will always suck together with the life i have, but after that i will come out clean and polished. heheh! I thank you for always being there during these times that i needed a friend. And for still being there when you're not needed. heheh! Most especially, i thank you for the wonderful times that we always have,.. (i mean asaran and kulitan) hehe! Your friendship will always be one of the reasons why i will face everyday with a smile and push through with a greater life ahead of me.

Having a lot of friend is a blessing that God had given me

But Paul, having you is genuine,..=))

doomed

I'm writing right now with a grief in my heart. I've been doomed for some couple of weeks now. I don't know what happened to me. Well, maybe i know, it's just that time and situations hadn't been friendly lately. There are times that i feel so alone, not knowing where to go, who to speak with, or thinking if its really necessary to speak with someone. I feel like i just wanna be alone and not be with any body. I wanna separate myself from the things that makes me tired, people that makes me feel stupid, things that i ache, people that makes me suffer and things that make me happy,.. then suddenly burns me. Why is it that it's so hard to be happy? Well, i know some say it's not really that hard, you just need to choose the things or people that makes you happy; or just simply choose to be happy. But as for me, choosing something is already a problem. Its hard to choose between two things that you like, you need and you love. And it gets even harder as you go along the way and realized that there are a lot of choices, not just two or three.

I just wanna be silent for awhile, hide in my shell. pretend.

"Ganito kami sa Makati,.."

Yesterday, at around 5 in the afternoon i visited a friend of mine who's staying in Makati. I got off the MRT in Guadalupe station, rode the jeepney going to South Ave. Weather is not that good, its humid, and the thought that it would be raining soon makes me feel sick in the head. I'm seated beside the drivers seat, as always, and that is for the reason that i hate the "ma bayad daw po,." scenarios; most especially when i feel so tired. Well, as expected, its traffic because its a monday and its rush hour already. But the "Makati Day" stuff added extra flavor to the traffic jam. I heard from the people at the back that the said celebration started Saturday and until yesterday, Monday, the celebration is still on.

The funny thing started when a mid-aged lady, seated right behind the driver caugth my attention. She is very irritated about the traffic, the feastivity and Makati City itself. Before i know it, she's already stating her claims about the city. She's even mentioning Mayor Jojo Binay and the idea of the mayor to run as president of the country. Of course i don't have any idea of what the lady is saying, but its really interesting. And so, i suddenly had this idea that Makati is not really that good enough. (heheh!) I can still recall when i was able to catch Mayor Jojo Binay during the Presidentiables Forum in UP, golly, he cant say anything aside from the words "Makati" or "That's what we are doing in Makati" (hehehe!) that was really funny.

And to end this short clip, i remember the lady's face while mimicking Mayor Jojo Binay's famous line,..
Lady:"Ganito kami sa Makati,.."
(followed by a quick grunt)

After four months,..

*sigh,..

just finished accessing my facebook account.

hindi ko alam kung bakit kakaba-kaba lagi ako everytime bubuksan ko yung account ko.

well, just last week i became aware na may bagong gf na yung ex boyfriend ko.

i know its over and done. pero bakit ganon parang iba pa rin yung feeling. i mean, yeah, we broke up, its been four months. we have settled everything that needs to be settled. pero bakit ganon, ang sakit pa din. iba pala yung feeling na alam mong nag break kayo, pero he's not yet into someone, kesa dun sa feeling na, wala na kayo and he finally moved on, completely, to the point that he already found someone to replace you. wahhhh,..! its triples the pain from the break up.

bakit feeling ko everybody had moved on, ako na lang ang hindi?

tsaka bakit ang bilis nya ko pinalitan?

ganon lang ba talaga kadali lahat?

sakit talaga,..T_T

He loves me, he loves me not, he loves me little, he loves me never,..

L-O-V-E,.. how do we really define the words? how do we actually know were inlove? how do we become aware that were already inlove? if your heart beats crazily knowing that someone is around, is it love? if he makes you feel special, is it love? how bout if you cant eat and sleep? well, its really hard to define isnt it? sometimes you thought IT IS LOVE, but after a few months, years, days,.. you suddenly tell yourself that it wasnt love after all.

Well in my case, ive had a lot of dose of the sick thing called "love"
here's something that id like to share to you. this happened to me just recently.

HE LOVES ME,.. we met on the net, through some online social network.
i was broken hearted that time, and just in time, he's there to comfort me.
well, just like any ordinary stories, its like saving a damsel in distress.
we became close, started to share personal stuff. we share stories of our own lives.
he told me he was also broken hearted just weeks ago. he gave me tips on how i can move on.
then, suddenly, "crazy feelings" started to take place. i know its really crazy to think that im actually falling for someone that i just met, and worse thing, he's just someone i met over the cyber world. but i know it, when i feel it. i know what i feel, and thats what i think i feel.

HE LOVES ME NOT,.. weeks later, the big news came in. wake up princess, this isnt your castle, your love story, and he's not your prince. now i know its different. its not the love i thought it is. its something far from what i think ive felt the very first time he kissed me, the very first time ive seen him, the very first time we talked. and to add more flavor, HE CANNOT LOVE ME! yeah, those are just some of the words that still haunt me in my sleep. how can we be so close to each other, why did he care that much? why didnt he tell me? why ?

HE LOVES ME LITTLE,.. i know its not that bad. i need to dig out the things that he did for me, for me not to think that what happened isnt that bad at all; that he also loved me, a little. well, he actually helped me when i was down, he made me realize my worth as a person, he made me realize that my heart didnt die together with the relationship ive lost. it was actually there, just broken, but still, it can be fixed. but whats the sense of doing these things, and still he let me down. he also made me cry, he also hurt my feelings, and he broke my heart as well. and it hurts me just as much.

HE LOVES ME NEVER,.. now, months had passed. i dont know how he can manage speaking to me, not mentioning all the things that happened between us. its like nothing took place several months ago. were actually back to being strangers. well, he's now happy wanderin' around the "cyber world" again, being the person that i knew. now i know that its really not love, and it never was. he was just trying to help me out, trying to make me feel better. but he doesnt love me. or maybe he did. i dont really know. until now, i still get hurt whenever we have simple chat. im still affected, and God knows i loved him. he just didnt feel the same way.